When Hunger Strikes...eat these seeded crisp breads

Birdseed never looked so good

When me and my two sisters were at school, unless my Mum had delicious meanwhiles* to subdue our pre-pubescent hunger, there was literally hell to pay. I would get stroppy, middle sister would have what can only be described as a rather petrifying fit of fury, and the little one would sob her eyes out in disbelief. Poor Mum. Usually we got iced buns or lardy cakes from Reeves (a brilliant chain of bakeries located in the South West of England) but on the occasion that she presented us with a crappy packet of digestives there were problems. Not a great deal has changed since then, I don't have babies to feed yet, but I do have a boyfriend who periodically screeches at me, eyes pleading, beak open, demanding food. When his blood sugar levels drop he gets hangry. A subject I find great amusement in discussing with little sister, as one of her besties can transform in the same way, a Jeckyl and Hyde moment. These specimens must be fed immediately.

I, however, do not suffer from hanger. Instead, when I get in from work, starving and desperate for food, I tend to pick away at the fridge until that nagging emptiness is gone. This is a terrible thing to do for several reasons: it undoes all the good work I have done at Bikram, I nearly always have cheese in the fridge which is what I grab first, and then I'm not that hungry for ages so we eat later than we should. At Christmas, the Boyfriend's Mum gave me some of these seeded crisp-breads that she'd made, and holy moly are they good for those just-got-in-from-work-need-a-nibble-now moments. Savoury and crunchy and delicious they fill the gap before dinner is ready. The funniest thing is that the Boyfriend won't touch them, as they are 'full of bird seed' so he has to make do with the minging multi-pack of baked crisps he bought by accident, thinking they were normal Walker's. Ha.

This makes a huge batch but they will keep in tupperware, and I'm going to bring some to my friend's house later when we go over for dinner. She's preggers so I thought it would be a nice change from a bottle of Schloer.

Preheat the oven to 200c. Mix the following in a large bowl: 100g each of porridge oats, sesame seeds, linseeds (yeah I know! I've never eaten them either, just marvelled at the pretty blue fields of them in the summer), sunflower seeds and pumpkin seeds, 350g flour (any flour, go crazy, experiment), 1tsp baking powder and 1.5tsp salt. Now add 200ml water and 125ml oil (I used plain old vegetable oil) and mix really well, it will get quite stiff but do mix it up properly. Take a third of the mixture and roll it out between two large pieces of non-stick baking paper, you want roughly the thickness of Ryvita. Peel the top layer of paper off and cut into your desired shape. I went for rectangles. Original. Carefully place the sheet onto a baking tray and cook for about 15-20 minutes until slightly browned. Repeat with the rest of the mixture.

I reckon you could get pretty creative with these, maybe a little cayenne pepper or Parmesan or both? I look forward to playing with this recipe. It was entitled 'Linda's Delicious Crisp Bread' but I don't know Linda and the Boyfriend's Mum is called Brenda so they can be Brenda's.

These are seriously good warm from the oven, so that's your little treat as chef. In fact I ate so many that I didn't need lunch, much to the Boyfriend's horror, when I suggested he make himself cheese on toast for lunch. Cheese on toast for lunch? Perish the thought.

*a snack to tide one over until dinner time

Polenta Cake (NOT placenta cake)

What shall I make for pud? A pretty normal sounding question which resulted in a pretty scary answer: a very excited scream of 'PLACENTA CAKE!!! Definitely make placenta cake!'. After several minutes of horrified protest from me, my Mother explained that this is what my hilarious Father likes to call polenta cake. Despite his gross name for it, his enthusiasm made me want to make it right away, this recipe was cut out of some magazine by my Mum years ago and gets pulled out every once in a while when my Dad is in the mood for delicious moist lemony polenta goodness, not pregnancy-based offal. Eurgh.

Because this requires a little precision, I will list the ingredients in a more organised way than my usual slap-dash fashion.
Feeds around 8 with leftovers.

Ingredients: 

350g demerara sugar

4 eggs

1 tsp vanilla extract

finely grated zest 2 lemons

250ml light olive oil (why is this cake so moist? Oh that's why)

250ml fruity white wine

300g plain flour

2.5 tsp baking powder

125g dried polenta

To make it pretty and extra delish:

450g soft summer fruits ( I used rasberries on their own)

1 tbsp balsamic vinegar

1 tsp caster sugar

A sprinkling of chopped fresh mint

 
You will also need a 25cm spring-form cake tin lined with grease-proof paper.

Preheat oven to 180, 160 fan oven, gas 4.  Sprinkle 3 tbsp demerara sugar over base of prepared tin. Beat together the rest of the sugar, eggs, vanilla and lemon zest, then pour in the oil & wine & beat to mix well.

Sift together flour, baking powder and polenta, then add this to the wet mixture and combine well.  Pour over the sugar in the prepared tin and bake for 30 mins. Cover with oil and cook for a further 30 mins. Check by inserting a skewer, it should come out clean. I always find it's best to check early as you can always put it back in the oven. Cool in the tin, loosen sides and turn out.

Combine the fruit with the balsamic and add the sugar. Leave in fridge for 30 mins. Serve the warm cake (still good cold) with the fruit sprinkled with the chopped mint. You don't have to put the fruit on top, but it elevates it from a great cake to a sublime cake, it's just gorgeous. For pregnant women and those without child, alike. 

Home-made Pita Bread (almost too much excitement)*

Who doesn't love a bit of dip and pita bread? Whether it's hummus straight from the tub at 12.30am after a

Something a bit biblical about a basket of bread!

trip to the pub, or dipped into some lovely beetrooty-yoghurty puree (will post once my hands have returned to their normal colour), faithful pita bread has been an important and useful part of my feeding regime for many years. But I have always bought it. Never thought to make it. Which is weird as I normally like to have a go at most things, chapatis, yes, focaccia, yes, pizza, yes, all sorts of exciting bready things, but never pita. This was a very silly mistake as it turns out it's so simple even a moron could make it. I did a bit of internet based research and found recipes varying from super complicated (mix ingredients, leave to prove for 3.5 days, punch air out and prove again for 38 minutes precisely) etc etc, and also found some much simpler ones, and this recipe is an amalgamation of the sensible suggestions. I first made these for an Easter Feast on Easter Sunday to go with a lamb shwawarma thing I made, just because I wanted to tell everyone it was kebabs for lunch.

Makes 10-ish. In a large mixing bowl add 1 tsp of quick action yeast to 235ml warm water and mix. Leave to dissolve for 5 minutes then. Measure out 350g plain flour, then  reserving a small handful for later, add the flour to the bowl, along with a pinch of salt and a small glug of olive oil. Roll up your sleeves and get mixing, it will make quite a sticky dough but once you've kneeded it for a good five minutes it should become nice and elastic and smooth. If too sticky add more flour, if it keeps breaking up, a tiny bit of water should fix it. I do it all in the bowl otherwise flour goes EVERYWHERE. I'm messy with flour. Take out the dough and plop a little olive oil in the bowl, put the dough back in and move it around so it is coated with a thin layer of olive oil all over. Leave somewhere warm for an hour to prove, and put a clean tea towel over the bowl. When you are ready to cook, get the oven to 230c and get a baking sheet nice and hot in there. To make the pita simply break off bits of dough about the size of a large walnut and on a floured surface and roll into a disc about 1/2 a cm thick. Do as many as you can fit on the baking sheet, lay them on the sheet and bake for about 3 minutes on each side. You don't have to turn them  but it does give them a nice bit of colour. *Watch with amazement as they puff up like little bready pillows and squeal with delight as your hard work pays off. Try not to cry as they deflate an hour later when your friends arrive for lunch. As they are cooking, roll out more so you're ready to cook the next batch. 

You don't even have to cook all the dough as it keeps in clingfilm in the fridge for a week. So you can say to your mates 'Oh don't worry about going to the shops, I'll just whip up a batch of pitta mwahahaha (that's your smug laugh)'.