Impossible Omelettes

It's how it tastes that counts right?

Does anyone else in the universe find omelettes tricky to make? Supposedly the simplest thing in the world, quick and easy, I always find myself in an eggy mess, while everyone everyone else seems to produce beautiful golden folded omelettes with just the right amount of ooze. As someone who cooks a fair bit I know I should have mastered the art. But I haven't, and I fear it may be too late. Maybe I haven't got the right frying pan. Or maybe I'm just an egg moron.

This morning I thought I might give it another go, I looked in the fridge, decided I had sufficiently interesting fillings and got to work. A few minutes later I had a right mess going on, it had stuck to the pan, no chance of folding it over, but as it hadn't quite burnt, I mushed it all together, cooked it through and it tasted great, and it reassured me that it's what it tastes like that counts. You could make this with anything, chorizo, spring onions, cheddar, peas, tomatoes, spinach, smoked salmon, anything that goes in the dreaded omelette I suppose.

For what is essentially interesting scrambled eggs, that feed one: fry a small chopped onion in butter in a small frying pan until softened. Add three beaten and seasoned eggs, let it sit and cook for about 30 seconds, add chopped feta and parsley, scramble until cooked, stick a fork in it and repeat after me: 'I never liked omelettes anyway'.

Hooray for Hummous

Keep some in your fridge at all times

Surely everyone loves hummus? My love affair began as a fifteen year old, gobbling it down with too hot to touch pitta after too much vodka from the bar we'd snuck into hours before. So stylish. Always there on a picnic, good with tortilla chips, bread-sticks and vegetable sticks for the virtuous. Shop bought is ok, but like pesto, home made is so quick and easy, tastes infinitely better, is good for your health and your pocket. I was a bit loathed to put up a recipe for something so simple, but mates do ask how I make it, so I guess this is a way of testing whether or not they read the blog!

This recipe is enough for pre dinner nibbles for 4-6. Drain most of the water from a tin of chickpeas, (or soak and boil the equivalent) and throw into a wizzer. Add a few cloves of roughly chopped garlic, a teaspoon of cumin seeds, juice of half a lemon, salt and pepper, a pinch of dried chilli flakes and a massive long glug of extra virgin olive oil. Give it a wizz, how long depends on how smooth you like it. If if looks a bit dry add more oil. Now taste it. If its a bit bland, season more and maybe a bit more lemon, this is real trial and error stuff, but it should not be bland, rather vibrant and fresh tasting. Put in a dish, drizzle on some more olive oil and garnish with parsley/coriander and serve with hot pitta bread.

Might not be the most authentic recipe, I know you're supposed to use tahini, but I think it's tastier without. Keep it simple and you can't go wrong.

Confessions of an Elderflower Perve

Phwoar

Every year, about half way through May I become an elderflower perve. Checking those plentiful bushes for the progress of their creamy blossoms, waiting for the right time to pick them for elderflower champagne. Elderflower is everywhere, and right now it's going bonkers. Although last year I spent so long lusting after the flowers, I never actually got round to doing it. I kept meaning to visit the brewing shop (which isn't open on a Sunday, which is the day I always remember to think about it) to buy a nice big brewing receptacle, but never made it, and hence the little white flowers withered and died, soon to be replaced by deep purple berries. Which I hate the taste of. Euurgh. This year, I still didn't manage to get to the brewing shop and resorted to brewing half the bubbles in a bucket and the other half in my big Le Creuset.

This is adapted from Hugh F-T's recipe for elderflower champagne, I made it for the first time a few years ago, it was great (except I would recommend leaving the fizz to brew a bit longer than he does, as it wasn't ready when I gave it the 8 days in the bottles that he suggests).

And now to wait...and wait...IS IT READY YET?

Go and snip off 25-30 elderflower heads (wooden 'I'm so country' trug optional), give each bloom a good shake as there will be a few bugs in there. Dissolve 2kg sugar in 4 litres of hot water in a very clean container (or two if you are me). Top up with another 2 litres of cold water. Add the zest and juice of 4 un-waxed lemons, 2 tbsp white wine vinegar, the flowers, and stir gently. Cover with muslin and leave for 2 days in a cool airy place. Add a little pinch of yeast and stir, leave for another 4 days. Now strain through muslin and decant into very clean bottles (swing-top ones are the best but fizzy drinks ones are OK, just not as pretty). Seal and leave for another 10 days (if when you taste it, it's super sweet, a bit yeasty and just not that great, it's not ready, leave a bit longer), and serve chilled.

If you make this early enough in the season, you'll be able to make another batch, I've finally got hold of some citric acid (the boss must have been a bit surprised opening up a packet of white powder that arrived at my desk when I was away) so I can make cordial as well now. Best go and perve on some more elderflower...

Chicken Paprika - Check you actually have paprika first...

Don't forget the paprika. Or the chicken. 

You know when you have your mind set on a certain dish to cook for supper, and nothing else will do? Well all the way home on the train yesterday I was thinking about this dish, all content as I had all the ingredients and wouldn't have to rely on trusty M&S (the only shop open on a Sunday night when all the other shops have shut). There was a small problem, the chicken thighs were still in the freezer, so I did have to swing by M&S which was very stressful with my big weekend bag and narrow aisles but somehow I coped. Finally got home, and discovered  I had run out of paprika. I used a bit of smoked paprika, its sweet and smokey cousin, instead for a nice extra smokey flavour and it all worked out.

This feeds two. Pre-heat oven to 180. Brown seasoned chicken thighs (two small ones per person or one big one) in olive oil and set aside. Fry a chopped onion and a few chopped garlic cloves in the same oil and add a couple of chopped raw chorizo sausages (normal cooked could be used) and fry until all the lovely red oil comes out of the chorizo and the onions are softened. Add a chopped chilli, a few bay leaves, a teaspoon of smoked paprika (or normal), a tin of chopped tomatoes, a big splash of red wine, season and stir well. Pop the chicken back in the pan, add a chopped green pepper and put the whole lot in the oven, uncovered, for 20 minutes. By now the skin on the chicken will be all extra cripsy and golden. Serve with a blob of sour cream/creme fraiche and rice. 

The Rioja was open, Lady Gaga was on the telly and all was ok. Until the Boyfriend came home after a day on the lash at the Rubgy 7s and sprayed me with the hose through the kitchen window. Twice.

Scotch Eggs are Not Scottish

Runny yolks courtesy of Blumethal

According to Heston, that is, and who am I to argue? Apparently they were invented by Fortnum & Mason in the 19th century, especially for posh picnics. I like Fortnum & Mason and I also like Scotch Eggs. The butcher local to my parents sells home made ones and if you're lucky they're still hot when you get your greedy mitts on them. Last time I was home, I found myself alone in the kitchen and found...a Scotch egg in the fridge with my name on it. At least it should have had my name on it because I gobbled it down before even getting a plate and a dollop of mustard. I thought it was about time I had a go at making them, especially as Mum had told me they are very messy. Sounded like a challenge.

This recipe is adapted from the one Heston Blumenthal did for Waitrose, no dry ice in sight, but mercifully straighforward instructions. You can mess about with the sausage meat as much as you like, but what I did nick from him was his method for cooking the eggs, essential if you want runny yolks, and it worked perfectly, much to my surprise.

Makes 8. Pre-heat oven to 190. Place 8 eggs in a pan of cold water, put on a high heat and as soon as the water starts simmering set a timer for 1 minute 45 seconds. Seriously. Quickly fill a bowl with iced water and when the time is up remove the eggs and put them in the iced water. In a bowl mix the meat from 6 large (i.e. not chipolatas) decent sausages and mix with a big pinch of thyme, a tsp or two of mustard (any I reckon) a pinch of cayenne pepper, seasoning and a packet of chives, chopped, and a tiny splash of water. Roll into 8 balls and chill for 20 minutes.

Very gently, peel the eggs, this is not easy as they are soft boiled and very fragile, you will need patience and delicate fingers! Roll the eggs gently, this will crack the shell all over and help. Don't panic if you damage the eggs a bit, they will be covered up, no-one will know. Take 3 bowls and into them put a few tbsp plain flour, two beaten eggs with a splash of milk, and approx 150g breadcrumbs. Take a sausage ball, flatten between your hands, and with the meat covering the palm of one hand, place an egg in the middle and gentlly wrap the meat around, be gentle. When all the eggs have a meaty blanket heat some veg or groundnut oil (enough to cover 2 eggs) in a saucepan and heat until a cube of bread browns fairly quickly in it. Dip each meaty egg into the flour, then eggy milk, then the breadcrumbs, making sure the whole surface is covered. Very carefully plop them into the oil, only two at a time and deep fry until golden, two or three minutes. It's a good idea to give them a nudge every now and again to stop potential sticking. Drain on some kitchen roll. When they're all done give them 10 minutes in the oven and then serve immediately. Nice with a salad to counteract the richness.

The moment of truth is when you slice one open, and then, halleluja, the orange yolk oozes out all over the place and all is well in the world.

Beanz Meanz ummm not Heinz

On a normal week day, breakfast, if I manage it (those extra seconds in bed count you know), is a bowl of revolting bran flakes forced down, before I bolt out the door. Because it's healthy, and if I don't eat breakfast before I leave the house, the siren-like lure of the saturated-fat-laden mozzerella and tomato croissants at Pret become the only possible option. Never mind the little pots of healthy porridge and fruit compote, they are not contenders as far as I am concerned. Come the weekend, however, I often longingly pore over exciting and delicious morning recipes, the sophisticated brunch ideas far superior to the usual routine of bacon sarnies or soft boiled eggs. I was in a weekend breakfast rut and needed to get out of it.

It was quite simple, I just had to make one of the recipes I had stored away. So I did.

For a twist on beans on toast (for two) fry a sliced onion in olive oil until softened a bit. Add a chopped tomato (I had a really exciting green and red striped one, all that was left in Waitrose after the apocalyptic style grocery panic that a bank holiday causes), and a drained tin of cannelini beans and stir around the pan for three minutes. You don't want it to go to mush, just soften the tomato and heat the beans through. Add a tsp of red wine vinegar and season well. Toast two slices of bread (fancy pants sourdough would be nice, but normal, as I used was fine) and rub each piece of toast all over with a halved clove of garlic. Top with the beans, some chopped parsley and a nice dribble of extra virgin olive oil.

The vegetarian factor didn't impress the Boyfriend but his protests dimished significantly once he had my beans on toast in his gob.

Badass Seabass



Excessive meat consumption antidote

 After three barbies and one dodgy kebab too many, during this gloriously debauched bank holiday weekend, my stomach was moaning for something healthy and light, in other words, a fish dish. This recipe for seabass with onions, potato and lemon is heavenly quick and easy, and before I made it I never realised how lush the combo of lemons and potatoes are!

Feeds two: Pre-heat oven to 180 degrees. Slice as many potatoes as you fancy (I, gasp, use any tatties I have lying around, at the moment big new potatoes are delicious) and cut them into thin-ish rounds. Tip into a baking tray, pour over a glug of olive oil and mix really well with your hands. Season liberally. Put in the oven for about 6 minutes, until they are starting to go golden around the edges. Meanwhile slice an onion. Mix this onion in with the potatoes, coating the slices in oil. Back in the oven for another 6 minutes until they have started roasting and softening. Take the tray back out, lay a few sprigs of dill down on top of the onions and potatoes, in two lines, and place a fillet of seabass on top of each pile of dill. Squeeze a lemon over the whole tray, especially over the fish. Season the fish and dribble some more olive oil over it. Back in the oven for another 7 ish minutes, until the fish skin has gone nice and crispy. Plate up and serve with something green.

Then go and ruin all your good gastronomic behaviour by getting a chicken burger at two in the morning on your way home from a bar.